Our friends wriggle out of paying their fair share on holiday

Release time：2024-05-21 08:59:41 Source：International Identities news portal

We go on holiday every year with four other couples and their kids to a villa in Greece. Throughout the year we all pay into an account by direct debit so we can spread the expense evenly. We then each keep receipts of lunches, bar bills, ice creams etc in the week.

My husband and I enjoy every bit of the break until the last day when we come to dividing up the final expenses. There's one couple, our oldest friends, who always try to wriggle out of paying their fair share.

It's usually a small amount – for example, the wife doesn't drink so they shouldn't have to pay for her drinks, or they feel their room was slightly smaller so they want money off the expenses. 

It makes an easy system complicated, leaves the rest of us out of pocket and means the holiday always ends on a sour note for me. I want to confront them this summer, but my husband says it's no big deal if we pay an extra £50 a head and they are too good a friends to upset. But what about us?

Some people who are so focused on 'fairness' suffer from a fear of exploitation, even in the relaxed setting of a holiday with friends, writes Vicky Reynal

Money psychotherapist Vicky Reynal replies: Relationships are often tested when our differences clash. 

Your perception of this issue is different, both from how your husband sees it (as less important to address than you do), and from your friends, who are more focused on paying what is 'fair' rather than a good-enough, even division of the expenses.

Why might they be so unbothered about spoiling the last day to ensure they pay only for what they consumed? 

There could be a number of reasons. One possibility could be that they have stretched their budget to come on the trip. They might be ashamed of admitting this, and so they come out of a desire to see everyone, or not to disappoint their children, but spend more than they are comfortable with and find it difficult to accept the impact of their choice. 

Some of this 'claiming back' could be addressing the guilt/regret of spending too much.

READ MORE: My husband managed all my money. Now he's left me, what do I do? Money psychotherapist VICKY REYNAL replies

There may be deeper reasons, too. 

Some people who are so focused on 'fairness' suffer from a fear of exploitation. It might be that a past experience has left them on alert for any situation in which they see a risk of feeling 'unfairly treated'. 

The point is, we don't know what is driving it, but a seemingly petty behaviour could have difficult emotions at its roots.

Bearing all this in mind, and in view of how unfair you find it that they are going against your assumption that expenses would be equally split, it might be sensible to have a conversation with them before the next trip. 

This would both give room to explain your feelings and help you understand what is behind their behaviour. You could start by asking them whether they would change anything about the trip last year (they might mention reviewing the budget). 

You could suggest that this year you all agree in advance how expenses would be divided.

Whether they will be upset by this conversation or not is dependent on how you approach it. 

If you go in trying to prove that your method is best and theirs is not, you will be stuck in an unpleasant stand-off. But if you try to understand their point of view, a solution that works for everyone will be within reach.

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